this blog has become an off loading site at the moment really its like something for the therapist that I don’t want to talk to and an outlet for all the things that I cant say to my family and friends. maybe one day someone out there will turn around and save me.
oh god that would be a dream come true.
I have been just stoppuing or breaking down and crying so often at the moment, mno ones caught me yet I wish they would.
its probably because I have become an expert at avoiding everyone- handy hint, get up at weird hours the only people you see are cats and the security patrols and other people who are stuck on night shift. oh and creeps that follow you in there cars but that’s only if you have been sating in the same spot for too long.
why am I not ok>?
I cant handle the amount of work I have at the moment
work is fucking stressful and I am sck of getting hassled for more shifts
I am sick of feeling shit and tired all the time and my lfe is a permanaent sugar high or low.
I don’t like the people I am living around to live around. they are great as people I just need to be alone.
im somehow meant to pln a photo shoot in two weeks and I have barely any ideas yet.
the concepts for my university studies are too hard.
well my car it is gross on the inside and falling apart on the inside and outside
oh yeah I also have that massive horrible tax bill that I some how am supposed to get around
I am always worried that my secrets are going to outed
my behaviour in the whole area of food is well…beyond horrifically bad and it is negatively impacting on every other single part of my life.
there was that shit with that gross 44yr old that went down a few weeks ago.
I don’t fit in like anywear at best in anything that I am engaged in I feel like I am accepted on the paramenters of the place and I think that is because people ware scraed of me.
I hate eating so much it is like the most consuming but also the most prominent part of my life and I just cant deal with it anymore.
I tell you what I have noticed it is like I am trying to run away from something but I just haven’t worked out what is yet and I actually also have absolutely know idea where my lack of capability to focus has stemmed from it doesn’t make any sense.