I have a good friend but even she irritates me and I don’t really have any other friend I can offload my occasional concerns about her on so blog it is. I used to do this when I was younger, I could discuss certain things with certain friends but what I couldn’t I would write. the journal was my friend.
I’m not really sure where to start. the weekend at work was quiet and we where extremely overstaffed which made it hard on everyone. I did really well considering the cirumstances.
I guess i’ll talk about my friend first, she frustrates me so much, has a history and uses alcohol and apparently occasional crack to cover it. but anyway she shouted me 2 drinks or 20 worth which is fairly expensive to pay. I thought wow thisi s rather generous but later on she tells me hey babae I still need to get that $20 off you. now I could have been a total cunt and said um I would have asked a customer to buy me drinks if I new you wanted me to pay to back I thought you where shouting me, but no I decided to wear this one especially because I do quite a bit better than her. then later in the change room she declares that she needs drugs and doesn’t care what I think while being drunk on the ground and when I tell her she’s still rostered on saturday she offers me $20 dollars to do it on her behalf. I was like soz only do that for minimum of $50. and she’s also forcing me to go to one of the girls party’s when honeslty i’d much rather be at work and earn. though I thought well if I at least show face it means I don’t look like a complete cunt who only cares about money plus I barley get invited to parties. I kind of accepted years ago its just not a part of my life to be invited to house parties.
actually asides from missing out on big dollars if take the night off there is another couple of reasons why I don’t want to be at that party. the first is as follows; a while ago I got extremely drunk to the point where I knew their was no way I was going home. I ended up going on with a guy hwo likes me quite a lot and a few of the support staff plus a couple of his friends back to his house. I also didt really want to go home as I had a fight with my parents think there was 6 people. anyway he really liked me/likes me. I kind of had sex with him but not really cuz he couldn’t keep it up. his house was full of drugs and they where all smoking inside it was fucking disgusting. I didn’t sleep, I think got home at 11 the next day. so anyway it was really bad sex and I know he has had sex with a lot of other girls but they are promiscuous losers. and he has tried to do it again and I have started artfully blowing him off to make it obvious he had his chance and lost it. plus he’s too short and not muscly/fit enough for me anyway. and he’ll be at this party probs all like oh you can drink ill just drive you to work later then home later.. not happening.
which brings me to my next point, I am just so sick of guys hitting on me, they aren’t even remotely attractive. one of them has given up, though he should have realised calling me repeatedly at 4am, then 9 am then 11 am after ive worked 4 nights in a row made him an instant write off. then there’s one who used to really like another girl but she fed him bullshit and was horrible to him apparently so he has transferred his interest to me, has started (again) to ask me to go to movies and dinner and shopping. one of the girls whos opinion I really actually respect told me to go for it but I don’t wanna put out.
thens theres every other dickhead. I could fill a novel
asides from this I am now really desperately craving sex, yet I have become so good at dodging advances I don’t know how to invite them in from the ones I want. there is a guy I desperately searched for and am talking to someone who I think may be him but I cant be one hundred percent bacuse they have a weird profile pic and I saw a pic of his sister and she must be the complete opposite of what this guy- the one i’m looking for looks like. hes tall and skinny with light brown hair, shes fat and freckly with red hair. which is nothing wrong with that just dead opposite features so I may be talking to the complete wrong person. I mean all the details are correct, enough. age location job is a little varied from what he claimed it was when I met him but explains why he has to work on Saturday and sunday.
I just feel like everythings too much for me at the moment and I got immune to codeine pills, I haven’t slept properly since last Tuesday. p tells me she has depression and cant be happy at work. lol
i’m a bulimic, introvert full of emotional issues, depression anxiety and social incapability who can’t stand people is constantly exhausted due to my food issues